25 August 2008

Destination 4: Helsinki, or, How We Became the Friend of a Fisherman

Oh yes! Hello there dear reader!

After a brief disappearance from these hallowed electronic pages, we return! And all we manage to come up with for you, oh dearest reader, is this droll rubbish.

And yet you continue to come back.

Are you into S&M perhaps? For surely this must be worse than self-flagellation, non?

Now. Anyway. As our brief and torrid love affair with New York was coming to a grinding halt, we stood on the corner, waved down several cabs and waited until we could find one that was actually willing to leave Manhattan and take us out to JFK. We were lucky to do so; in fact we made it to the airport just in time: only 50 minutes before our departure!

We rushed through the airport formalities (HIGHLY surprised by the way to discover zero passport control when leaving the United States!), and boarded our absolutely ancient looking Finnair MD-11. With mild trepidation, we stepped into the creaky aircraft and silently prayed that it would safely deliver us on the eastern edge of another continent: Helsinki, site of Eurovision 2007!!!

Yes! We were returning to the site of our former pilgrimage! Indeed Finnair delivered us safely to the tarmac of Helsinki airport where we were warmly greeted by our old friends who we were catching up with. We were whisked into the city centre where we dumped our belongings and then worked out a plan on how to best spend the 48 hours or so that we had together.

It didn’t really involve any sightseeing as we had been in the city just the previous year.

The plan, rather, was drinking.

Oh dear! What a funny time. It also involved cultural ‘exchanges’ of sorts, meaning, getting us to eat the most revolting things that Finland had to offer. Top of the list were the various kinds of salted liquorice available there – and indeed, much loved there. Unfortunately for our uninitiated taste buds, it was one of the most revolting things we’d ever tasted. Here is the only photograph to accompany this post: Eurotrash regurgitating the salted liquorice into the kitchen sink:

And then it was time for the drinking. We proceeded to visit several bars (the first of which was delightfully named “We Got Beef”. Yes, that is true. It was called “We Got Beef”), and during that time, we were told to try a shot.

We were presented with a small shot glass of dark brown liquid. We were instructed not to smell it, not to sip it, but just to open up and swallow.

Ummm… No snide comments now…

Anyway, we did as instructed and drank the shot of stuff.

And suddenly, everything was CLEAR!!! Our sinus passages were clear, we mean. We could breathe easily and we had super fresh breath, AND we got a simultaneous head spin from the alcohol content!

This miracle liquid was called “Fissu”.

Any ideas what is in it, dear reader?

Here is the recipe.

Take TWO PACKETS of Fisherman’s Friend breath fresheners. That’s correct. Two packets. Of Fisherman’s Friend.

Take one bottle of vodka.

Add crushed up Fisherman’s Friend to the vodka.

Shake periodically over the course of two or three days until the vodka completely dissolves the Fisherman’s Friend.


Oh. My. God.


OK, so on the surface of it, it seems gross right? But think about it. You get hideously drunk, but you’ve still got minty fresh breath for that random pash at the end of the night…

It’s a winning combination!

And so our time in Helsinki ended with a hideous headache and a wish that we had more time there to spend with our dear darling friends. Then again, we shall be residing in Oslo for the rest of the year and it is only a short hop, skip and a jump back to Helsinki…

For now, anyway, it was time to keep on moving on and the next stop was Stockholm! The home of tall beautiful blonde people!

We thought so anyway. Oh how different reality is!

Au revoir,


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