20% Europe. 100% Trash.: May 2007

Greetings gentle people!

Here we are in Finland... at long last! The Holy Grail is just around the corner; we purchased Finnish Tena Lady pads this afternoon in anticipation of seeing the semi final of Eurovision tomörrow night.

All of Europe is Eurovision MAD at the moment!! Danish television is covered with panels analysing Eurovision entries, Finnish television is running nonstop Eurovision-related coverage. To help us survive, we stopped at a lovingly titled shop this afternoon - "Alko" - and for three people, purchased 18 beers (including 'export quality' Fosters), three bottles of wine, premix gin, and two bottles of bubbly. We are certainly in for a ride.

It is EuroTrash's aim tomorrow walking around Helsinki to be interviewed on Finnish TV. We have brought with us an Australian flag, and are considering writing the message "AUS(heart)ESC" to help us achieve that purpose.

Be watching SBS dear Australian readers on Friday and Sunday nights for full coverage. You must be completely sloshed to fully appreciate the goodness on offer.

We certainly will be!

Nähdään myöhemmin!

-EuroTrash!

Foreword

Hi!!! We are now in Copenhagen and only one sleep away from arriving in Finland!!!!! This following post was actually writte a couple of days ago in Prague, but because of the dodgy computer we had access to and the exorbitant rate at which that super-slow access was charged, we decided to just save this and post it later... so here 'tis and enjoy. Next report will be POST-EUROVISION!!!! For Australian readers, think of us on Friday 11 May around 6am for we shall be screaming our little hearts out in Hartwall Arena. AND, you MUST look up the Ukrainian entrant on youTube and see what they are presenting to the world. The best way to describe it it Grandpa Drag meets Spaceman meets Chicken Little.

We love it.

-EuroTrash.

************

Why hello you! It has been a while hasn't it? EuroTrash has been oh-so-busy indeed and has had such little time in which to document all the wonders which have whizzed past our eyes.

Where did we last leave you? In Rome we think, but that was only because it was Bogan extravaganza time. Other than hunting down bogans, we did actually see things as one is wont to do "when in Rome". Yes it was all very lovely, and we were also filled with the holy spirit when we visited the Vatican:

Whilst we were impressed with where and how the holy spirit touched us, what impressed EuroTrash most of all in the Vatican were the (un)armed forces of the micro-state: the Swiss Guard. Why the Pope should be guarded by the Swiss is beyond our understanding, and why they should be dressed like so is further beyond our comprehension:

Oh so fruity.

After wearing our legs down to bloodied stumps by walking all over the Eternal City, we moved on to the town of Bologna for a little rest and recreation. Bologna is known as a university town and is also known by its nickname of "La Grassa" - the Fat One. Why? Because Bologna is a centre of gastronomic delight, and we're not talking about chip surprise here either! Bologna is the fair home of spaghetti bolognese, now considered a tradition Australian meal, so we took it upon ourselves to test this out and see how Bolognese bolognese stood up against good ole Aussie spag bol.

It stands up very well.

Our thighs testify.

What's more, Bologna is where we found the following things:

La nonna piu' trendy di Bologna

The trendiest grandma in Bologna! Yay! We didn't actually see her in person, but we thought the ad of Nonna Gianna deserved wider publicity

The most straight and free flowing mullet our eyes have ever lovingly gazed upon:

The best concept store EVER in the history of the entire universe:

And so after a couple days of rest, food, drink and fun we moved on from Bologna to Venice.

Venice is a place of extremes - frustrating, annoying, crowded, pigeon-infested, beautiful, intoxicating and magical.

We are very certain that you have seen pictures of Venice before and so we shan't post any up here as the reality is very much like the publicity suggests.

The next stop on EuroTrash's trail of destruction was Vienna. This city boasts an incredibly dense and proud cultural history - a cradle of modern European history and creativity, home to Strauss and Mozart, home of the Hapsburgs and capital of the great and mighty Austro-Hungarian empire. Brimming with dumplings, cabbage, schnitzel (with noodles) and strudel the city has much to offer the visitor. What's more, we were joyously welcomed by the locals:

This was truly a man who danced (rollerbladed) to his own beat. EuroTrash was watching some sort of ceremony involving important people and a military brass band when this fine specimen rolled through, dancing deftly on wheels and singing gently to the thumpa-thumpa in his headphones.

Our time in Austria also took us to Salzburg, the birthplace of Mozart. However, in EuroTrash style, we went for another reason.

The Sound of Music Tour!

We were so excited that we even got well acquainted with our tour bus:

This tour is exceptional. It provides you with the opportunity to visit some important landmarks used in the filming of the greatest movie of all time from the comfort of your coach seat whilst singing along to the sound track at the same time. We shed tears of joy. We marched, we pranced, we twirled our hearts out. Unfortunately there was no hill on which to twirl - but we took every opportunity available to us to do so.

Witness this amazing re-enactment! And relish the rare moment that EuroTrash gives you full view of our faces!

And so we gracefully do-re-me'd our way into the heart of Central Europe - Prague. This city really is as beautiful as you often hear, and is completely unique. It is the only place where all little girls crossing the road must wear giant ribbons in their hair: