We are certain that your little heart went a-pitter-patter when sighting of this posting appeared on your computer screen.
For lo! we have not perished; nor have we (unfortunately) run off into the sunset with George Clooney never to be seen again.
Alas, alack, we are indeed returned to Canberra, Our Fair Nation’s Capital, having enjoyed a marvellous (but condensed) romp around the various countrysides of Europe. As we have regaled to you previously, we were sent to Geneva by our employer to discuss matters of great import. Much discussion indeed took place:
EuroTrash: Bonsoir monsieur! Nous avons un reservation pour l’Hotel Cornavin. [please note our concerted attempt at speaking française!]
Taxi Driver: Sure. So are you here for work? For meetings and conferences?
EuroTrash: Why yes!
Taxi Driver: Everyone here just talks. You think your talking will save the world huh?
EuroTrash: Hmmf. Just take us to the hotel.
Despite this lack of confidence from le taxi driver, our discussions were indeed rich and fruitful… but what concerns us here, dear reader, is not what took place in meeting rooms. Rather, we are certain that you are veritably chomping at the equine-influenza-infected bit to discover what gems and treasures we discovered outside of the meeting rooms!
Geneva is a lovely town indeed; quite charming and aesthetically pleasing, as was the captain of this boat:
We gladly paid our sum of 35 gazillion Swiss Francs to have him take us for ride. And indeed we rode well together. At least that’s the sort of image that was occupying our mind as we sailed past the lovely lakefront; houses that once belonged to Famouspeoplewhowehaveneverheardof; and all of the buildings that form the homes of various international organisations.
Do you see? It is very lovely.
However, as we wondered wide-eyed through the streets of Geneva, we were struck by an odd sense of deep familiarity… And then it struck us! Geneva is EXACTLY LIKE CANBERRA! Yes! Be amazed at this series of uncanny
Both Geneva and Canberra are built around lakes!
Both Geneva and Canberra have big phallic water jets!
Both Geneva and Canberra have carousels in their town centres!
There are dogs in both Geneva and Canberra!
Both Geneva and Canberra have lovely old houses in their suburbs!
Startling coincidences you would have to agree.
However, once our amazement at the Geneva-Canberra similarities started to wear off, we knew it was time to hit the road.
And indeed we did!
A car was hired and we drove down through France, underneath Mont Blanc and into our spiritual home, Italy!! Hip hip hooray!
Our destination was clear. Lake Como.
Our purpose had been much talked about and we faced it with greater resolve than ever before: to stalk, hunt and marry George Clooney.
Unfortunately, we strayed from our task upon arriving in Bellagio, the town where George lives. We were utterly amazed at the visual pollution that burned our retinas! In this beautiful little town:
However, once our amazement at the Geneva-Canberra similarities started to wear off, we knew it was time to hit the road.
And indeed we did!
A car was hired and we drove down through France, underneath Mont Blanc and into our spiritual home, Italy!! Hip hip hooray!
Our destination was clear. Lake Como.
Our purpose had been much talked about and we faced it with greater resolve than ever before: to stalk, hunt and marry George Clooney.
Unfortunately, we strayed from our task upon arriving in Bellagio, the town where George lives. We were utterly amazed at the visual pollution that burned our retinas! In this beautiful little town:
These people dared descend!!!
Fashion should not be shredded and torn off in the car door. The middle picture requires little explaining. And the last lady, well, we doubt she has heard of ye olde maxim of 'Fake tan and a gold lame padded handbag an outfit doth not make".
Oh! We felt positively faint with disgust and loathing. How dare these people tread where our dear George lives!
Our search high and low continued for Our George… until we turned a corner, stumbled into a narrow alley and THERE HE WAS!
One half of EuroTrash was snapped getting cosy with George in the gardens of the Bellagio Library:
Our search high and low continued for Our George… until we turned a corner, stumbled into a narrow alley and THERE HE WAS!
One half of EuroTrash was snapped getting cosy with George in the gardens of the Bellagio Library:
The other half of EuroTrash sparked worldwide scandal after the paparazzi took this snap, following which George’s reputation was besmirched for all eternity and EuroTrash was left pregnant and alone.
As we left Bellagio, and our hearts yearned and pined for George, the only way we were able to console ourselves was to drive across Switzerland to visit the principality of Liechtenstein. We were instructed to visit the following intriguingly titled museum:
We thought that surely it’s not what we suspect… but when we saw what was on display directly outside the museum;
We went scurrying from Liechtenstein [but not before having our passports stamped at the tourist office].
After such a day of leaving our fabled future with George behind, and being scarred by bronze-breasted behemoths, only one thing could lift our spirits: cultural insensitivity. Driving across the length of Switzerland, we were beset with the giggles as we zipped past: Fuchsberg; a car covered with signs for the website http://www.fuchsof.ch/; Bern-Wankdorf and the delightfully named locality: Bern-Bumplïz.
Oh please!
Adieu nos amis,
EuroTrash.
1 comment:
Hi EuroTrash, my name is Bron and I am one half of "Team Trash" (clearly a cheap rip-off of you guys). In my fatigued state tonight, I decided I would like to relive funnier times by looking over a blog that a friend and I created on a recent trip a l'Europe. Meaning to type www.eurotrash07.blogspot.com, I mistyped my way to your site, and can I just say... FUCKING GOLD (more like your solid than your gold lame handbag gold). I feel that we are kindred spirits (only you are - foolishly and shockingly - paid by your employer to chase George around Lake Como while we save our shitty Aussie dollars for these ridiculousnesses).
We too are are a trashy twosome that travels the world to marvel at oversized, novelty head and eyewear on bejewelled, bovine, beauties. See? You don't even know me, and you already feel the connection.
Feel free to read our shitty blog if you ever need to know that there are equally useless people out there doing equally amusing/fabulous/terribly witty things.
The veritable portfolio of photographic evidence you have used to prove that Canberra and Geneva are practically the same, had me rolling sideways off my Gucci (Officeworks) desk chair. Le chien - the funniest chien I have ever seen. And the beautiful "period" Canberra abode. Wonderful.
When are you going back to Europe? Please inform us somehow - you can email me on b.jones@student.rmit.edu.au
Apologies for the random display of affection from an unknown and many Cavalli kisses,
Bron xoxoxo
www.eurotrash07.blogspot.com
Post a Comment